First Day

squeak.

first day.

The musky smell of old wood,

peeling walls.

the drone of the air conditioner,

reverberating engine, whirring, singing its tune of awakening once again

I sit at my wooden desk

and I breathe the stale air of work

and the plastic smells of computers

and I listen

to the sounds of a movie playing

my mind is ticking

in a constant beat.

constant.

Warm yellow lights, they fill my eyes

I glance at my boss's table

in its lovely, cluttered glory

A loaf of bread, wires entwined like the exposed roots of an ancient tree

half eaten lunch, chopstick peeking from the side of its styrofoam box

piles and piles of loose paper

screaming to be shredded

they smile at me.

and again the smells, the old paint

organised mess

I think of my room at home

poring over paintings,

my lamp light at night.

and I sigh.

First day.

Lucy

Feeling the blues at night;

Without your touch
The resonance of your soft murmur
Lingers after the image of your sleep on my bed,
Along with your smell

Of your hair, your skin
your drool?
Our bodies, weaved together
Of kisses and caresses

Soft and warm
An explosion,
Like a burst aneurysm
Of course,

a million times more pleasurable.

Until the next time our lips meet,
My mind can only seek you in dreams

Cry, as much I want to
Weep, I know I can't have you
I wipe my tears away, away

I try, I try, I try

Wish, wish for the summer
Want, to pull over under
I wipe my tears away, away

I try, I try, I try
I try, I try, I try
I try to make the best of happiness

I'm a broken heart
I'm a broken heart
I'm a broken heart
My love is bleeding
I'm a broken heart
I'm a broken heart
I'm a broken heart
An empty feeling

I try, I try, I try
I try, I try, I try
I try to make do with more more of less

All, all of our moments
Just become ailments
I'm haunted all of every day

I try, I try, I try

Ache, aching and teething
My big love is bleeding
I think I might be dying

I try, I try, I try
I try, I try, I try
I try to make the best of happiness

I'm a broken heart
I'm a broken heart
I'm a broken heart
My love is bleeding
I'm a broken heart
I'm a broken heart
I'm a broken heart
An empty feeling

I try, I try, I try
I try, I try, I try
I try, I try, I try
I try, I try, I try

I'm a broken heart
I'm a broken heart
I'm a broken heart
My love is bleeding
I'm a broken heart
I'm a broken heart
I'm a broken heart
An empty feeling

I try, I try, I try
I try, I try, I try
I try, I try, I try

we've walked so far
but you didn't tell me

plausibility
plausibility

i'm waiting
i grit my teeth

if i am the best thing
why do you not want to keep me

the lines blur
thoughts swirl
and i weaken

my heart then whispers something profound
which i do not understand
but i'm learning to.

with grief and goodbyes

my love, and i.
we sat at the railing
consumed by passion

it came, and went.
with grief and goodbyes
to save myself
but at what cost?

time.

2 weeks have gone,
my heart is beating fast.

anxiety came and put her arms around my shoulder.
worry holds my hand.
happiness stands at a corner, watching
while despair kisses my cheek.

i swirled my drink and took a drift on my cigarette again.